I’ve head the term “alcoholism depression” a lot. I’m not real sure what to make of it. Let’s break down the two terms.

So what is alcoholism? According to Alcoholics Anonymous, “alcoholism is a two fold disease, a physical allergy plus an obsession of the mind.”

So what is depression? Depression is “an illness that involves the body, mood, and thoughts, that affects the way a person eats and sleeps, the way one feels about oneself, and the way one thinks about things. A depressive disorder is not the same as a passing blue mood. It is not a sign of personal weakness or a condition that can be wished away” (MedicineNet.net)

So they’re both illnesses (alcoholism depression) can you have them both? I suppose you can. I would argue however that most people are misdiagnosed as having depression when they’re really just an alcoholic, or maybe just abuse alcohol. I know this is touchy ground here that I’m skating on, but just hear me out for a minute.

The disease of alcoholism is cunning, baffling, and powerful. It is the only disease that I know of, which goes to great lengths in convincing those who suffer from it that they DO NOT HAVE IT. Some call this symptom denial. Call it whatever you want, it is powerful and can be lethal.

For years I was going to the doctor complaining about this feeling or that feeling, never once telling them how much alcohol I was drinking or what kind of life I was living. Doctor’s are suppose to read minds don’t you know?

My point is, I’ve seen it often in alcohol treatment centers, patients come in on all sorts of anti depressants they’ve been prescribed by their doctors. However, what they neglected to tell them over the years was that they were an alcoholic. Alcohol is a depressant and can cause depressive feelings; at least it did in my case.

When I started treating my alcoholism, I began living the way I felt I was meant to.  And the alcoholism depression was not an issue as long as I treated it as well. That was when my depressive thoughts and behaviors started to subside. However, just because I stopped drinking, everything didn’t immediately get better. It’s often said in recovery that if you stop drinking you’ll feel better. They’re right, you’ll feel everything better, including pain, fear, sadness, etc. But, once you stop drinking, you must get help to learn how to deal with those emotions. For me personally, alcohol was never really my problem, it was my solution. I didn’t know how to deal with emotions. Alcohol depression is sort of intertwined to me.

As a recovering alcoholic, the term “alcohol depression” is sort of an oxymoron. I was watching an episode recently of the A&E show, Intervention, when the featured alcoholic said, “I drink because I’m angry and I’m angry because I drink.” I thought to myself, “that’s it!”

There are two things a practicing alcoholic hates; the way things are, and change. So therein lies our dilemma. As an alcoholic, I was depressed when I drank (alcohol is a depressant… go figure) and depressed when I wasn’t drinking. You see alcohol was not my problem, it was my solution. My problem was not knowing how to deal with my emotions, which caused me to be depressed. When I discovered alcohol at an early age, it made me feel good. And it continued to work for me, until it didn’t.

One really important thing for me to point out was, I did not know I had this inability to deal with emotions. I had a great childhood, loving parents, etc. I was always fun-loving and outgoing. But that was on the outside, on the inside I was lost emotionally. I didn’t drink because I was a bad person, I drank simply because it made me feel good. I liked the way alcohol makes me feel. Period.

So when I wasn’t drinking or engaged in alcohol abuse, I really didn’t like the way I felt. I would feel depressed. If I felt anger or sadness, I wasn’t really sure what to do with those emotions. Later on, when I started drinking, I would feel happy and free. Then at some point those feelings of happiness started turning to self-loathing. I knew my drinking was getting out of hand and my conscience was telling me I was not living a healthy lifestyle.

I would not consider myself spiritual by any means when I was drinking, yet something inside my soul told me I was not living the way God, if there was one, would want me to live. That weighed very heavily on my soul. So as I continued to try and stop drinking, and failing, I continued to feel worse about myself. Thus my depression increased. The more I drank the worse my depression became, to the point where suicide seemed like the only solution to my problem.

Depression and my worst days drinking were temporary. Thank God I did not carry out a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Although I know at the time, depressive feelings can feel overwhelming and like there’s no way out, there is always help available if you ask for it. Thank God I finally asked for help, and then simply followed directions.