What is alcohol abuse actually?

According to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders published by the American Psychiatric Association:

Alcohol abuse is a pattern of drinking that results in harm to one’s health, interpersonal relationships, or ability to work. Certain manifestations of alcohol abuse include failure to fulfill responsibilities at work, school or home; drinking in dangerous situations, such as while driving; legal problems associated with alcohol use; and continued drinking despite problems that are caused or worsened by drinking. Alcohol abuse can lead to alcohol dependence.

I don’t know about you, but if I experienced several of those listed above, I should would be depressed.

For years, I abused alcohol and experienced many of the items listed in that paragraph. However, I continued to drink. Moreover, it is amazing how long one can actually cause detrimental circumstances in their lives and continue the same patterns. For years I would show up late to work… so what did I do? Well, simple really, I got a different job. It’s no coincidence that I ended up with a job that didn’t require me to be at work until 4:00 in the afternoon. Although most days I would drag my butt in there hungover still from the night (or morning) before.

So at what point does abuse become dependence and then alcoholism? Honestly, I do not know. For me, I think it started back in my early twenties when I realized not matter what I accomplished in life, I would never be truly satisfied. It wasn’t until many years later that I actually started facing some severe consequences for my drinking. Which was severe depression caused by my many years of alcohol abuse.

I knew the way I was living was not healthy. Sure, I would rationalize it and tell myself I wasn’t as bad as “that guy.” In reality, I just kept finding new friends who drank as much or more as I did so I never really had to look at myself.

Living for years in a way that I knew was not healthy and that I probably did have a drinking problem slowly crushed my self-respect. Although I did not realize at the time, I always thought I had my stuff together.  Then as the drinking got more severe, so did the depressive behavior and finally thoughts of suicide.

For me, alcohol abuse was the way I avoided depression, but then it later turned into the cause of my alcohol depression.